reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
