So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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