She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
