I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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