did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
