I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
