ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
My balls are so social today.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
