um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
