Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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