Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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