I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
