My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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