i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
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