Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
