I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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