If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
