Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
fuck your aforementioned shoe
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
