i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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