My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize