I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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