I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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