i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
