Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
