I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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