And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
