I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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