fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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