i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
