Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
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