I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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