I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
