I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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