I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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