in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
