Please don't use social media to get back at me.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize