using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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