Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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