It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
