GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
