Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
