We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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