Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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