Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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