i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
There are leaves in my underwear?
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