Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
