woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
