I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
grandma shit on top of the toilet
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
