I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
