Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
