Where is the hickey?
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
How's work?
Spinning.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
