Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
