I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Im part way to drunk.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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