i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
