Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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