Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
