Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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