Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
