I think i peed on brittanys purse
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
