): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
my poor anus
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
