Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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