He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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