were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
