i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
