Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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