So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
i've created a new STD.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
