Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
