8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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