Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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