My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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