somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
