Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Randomize
