..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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