Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
